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Joke of the Day
"""Awwww, that is so sweet! I think you're outstanding too!"" me, to the collection agency"
Next Joke
"Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in."
"1) My wife and I are fighting 2) My phone has an annoying ringtone whenever someone RTs me 3) My phone is in the room where she's sleeping"
"[trapped on a patch of ice that's melting in the Arctic ocean] [rubs Genie bottle] ""can you hook me up with some wifi?"""
"How many Latvians does it take to screw a lightbulb? Is dark. Bulb is potato."
"Our culture is like a fungus. It's fucking disgusting but it grows on you."
"""So I went to this convention called, ""Ladies Without Legs"", and man... was that place crawling with pussy."" - Willie Nelson"
"This Christmas... This Christmas, Donald Trump's hair becomes sentient and nukes canada. Only one Democratic Socialist can prevent a total World War. Bernie Sanders stars... in HELL TOUPEE"
"Popping my cherry please be mean. What does the hillbilly say when his sister is surprised? ""Well it's the right hole naw!"""
"My boyfriend is watching Glee voluntarily and tapping his foot and smiling. That makes me a lesbian now, right?"