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Joke of the Day

"Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it... Guess I really am...independent."

"Had a very hot curry last night and now my asshole is on fire ... I'm suffering from deja vindaloo."

"The Four Types of Orgasms The Good ""oh yes, oh yes"" The Bad ""oh no, oh no"" The Religious ""oh god, oh god"" And the Fake ""Oh *person's name*"""

"What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A beanerschnitzel"

"When I say to my kids ""sit here and watch cartoons"" they hear ""come and bug me while I am trying to take naughty pictures for daddy."""

"I wish I could play little league again. I'd be so much better now."

"Dear girls, Santa saw your Facebook page, you're getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas."

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a boat. The boat sinks. Who survives? America."

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb...? ...to get to the other side"

"What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A Fruit Stand"