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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't we learn about essential oils in school? I mean, that shit is ESSENTIAL. Should've been the first lesson!"

"What do politicians and sperm have in common? About 1 in every 600 million has a chance of becoming a human."

"What did the girl's suicide note say when she hung herself? *sings* I WANNA SWIIIING FROM THE CHANDELIERRRRRR"

"What's a a magician's favorite kind of coffee? 100% abracadabra"

"What time is it in Brazil? Oh, it's 7 past Cesar"

"Me: let's go this way. Shopping cart: no."

"I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem."

"Q: What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? A: S&M&M."

"If you beep your horn .004 seconds after the light changes green, I will shut off the car, lay on the hood and feed the birds for an hour."

"""What are the names of the 3 greatest kings who have brought more happiness and peace into people's lives than anything else?"" Answer: Smo-KING, drin-KING, and fuc-KING !"