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Joke of the Day
"You should never marry a tennis player. Apparently love means nothing to them."
Next Joke
"The longer you sleep the more sleep you need. The more you eat the bigger is your appetite."
"Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206."
"My wife and I got into an argument she said 'you should treat me like I'm the last woman on earth' I said- what, lock you down in the basement and let men cum on your face for a million dollars?"
"So called ""Trader"" Joe's wouldn't let me pay with furs or rum or even live birds."
"My Girlfriend"
"My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else."
"Why can't you lie to an aborted fetus? It wasn't born yesterday."
"Growing up my girlfriend was called the human calculator... but that's just because 14 year old boys would have her do handstands so they could see her boobies."
"What kind of stories does Eli Whitney tell on Easter? Cottontales"