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Joke of the Day

"The longer you sleep the more sleep you need. The more you eat the bigger is your appetite."

"#LanceArmstrong should keep his awards. Last time I tried to ride a bike when I was #stoned I ended up in a ditch."

"Batman's Bat Signal was really banking on the fact that crimes only happened at night."

"People who leave their underwear at parks are either awesome at sex or terrible at dressing raccoons."

"Abortion is a tough issue for me. On one hand I love killing babies but on the other I don't want to give women rights."

"Man, this one always cracks me up... ...you know, the No. 17 one."

"Whats the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub? One of them has hope in her soul."

"Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long if you're fat."

"Never trust a mathematician with a graph. They're always plotting something."

"A conservative is beating a liberal in a debate [removed]"