91089

Joke of the Day

"So called ""Trader"" Joe's wouldn't let me pay with furs or rum or even live birds."

"What do you call a cow with no nipples Yomama #getrekt"

"The dinosaurs died for our sins."

"I'm a dad. Here's my joke: Why would Bart Simpson never go to a pub? Because there's a BartEnder there."

"What's a masturbator's favorite type of weather? Jack-it weather!"

"A duck walks into a store and says, ""Give me some fucking Chapstick."" The clerk says, ""Alright, settle down you feathered cunt... How are you going to pay for that?"" ""Oh, just put it on my bill."""

"My teacher took off points when I spilled my juice on my Calculus homework... ... Apparently, I shouldn't drink and derive."

"Wife: Can you check the dryer? Me: You put a check in the dryer? Don't you know money laundering is illegal?"

"You know who the real winner is today? The guy who sells ""I voted"" stickers."

"[Pick Up Line] Is someone calling me, Or are you just that beautiful. Because Something Is vibrating in my Pocket..."