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Joke of the Day

"What kind of stories does Eli Whitney tell on Easter? Cottontales"

"When I see a car accident I pull over quickly to assist the drivers with getting rid of any drugs they may have in the car."

"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They just sit around and compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."

"*chad kroeger walks through metal detector at airport* TSA agent: I've never seen this low of a reading"

"What do you call a valley girl giving a blowjob for louis vuittons? Head over heels"

"""Say ur a bad girl"" I'm a bad girl ""oooh yeah, and tell me what bad girls do..."" ooh i'm gonna sign up for 3 months of yoga and only go twice"

"What is E.T. short for? It has little legs."

"What Did The Dying Gambler Say To His Wife? ""10 bucks says I don't need this oxygen tank"""

"My Iguana has been having trouble getting enough blood into his weenus; he has areptile dysfunction."

"I'm a married white male; my forefathers saw to it that I'm not allowed to be offended by anything."