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Joke of the Day

"My new girlfriend asked me how I felt about kids. With my hands was apparently not the right answer."

"I'm not trying to be racist but black people are darker than white people."

"What do you call someone who sews extremely fast? Taylor Swift..."

"I'm at my most financial consultant when I tell the McDonald's employee what my change back should be."

"Very tired of the NSA reading my tweets and not retweeting them."

"me: *rubs lamp* genie: I will grant you three wishes me: can you go away I'm rubbing this lamp"

"A server asked Rene Descartes if he would like another cup of coffee... He replied, ""I think not!"" And disappeared."

"When it comes to gay sex, I think the backwards views of my grandfather are disgusting So I might try missionary style with him instead"

"What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a car windscreen? Its arse."

"It's amazing, when a dog licks its own arse it's perfectly normal. But when I do it... I get arrested for bestiality."