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Joke of the Day

"It must be very traumatic for my wife to be at work knowing I'm home alone getting bread crumbs on the kitchen counter. Let's pray for her."

"They're giving away Marshawn Lynch jerseys at my local sports shop. But I think I'll pass"

"What's the difference between you and Dick Clark? At least that dick had a stroke. Thank you Hard times of RJ Berger"

"What did the number 0 say to 8. Nice belt."

"What's better than kiddie porno? Adult porno. Kiddie porn is gross, you sick fuck!"

"I'm always two drinks away from digging up my backyard to look for dinosaur bones"

"I just read a long article about Japanese sword fighters. If you want, I can samurais it for you."

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but you need a fairly big lightbulb."

"Did you here about the IKEA corporation getting away with having that guy killed? None of the detectives could seem to piece the clues together."

"A mother bear defending her cubs but it's me defending the fresh pan of bacon from other hotel guests at the breakfast buffet."