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Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone who blows himself up by accident? An Errorist!"

"Carbs are my starch enemy."

"I saw a girl texting and driving earlier today and it really pissed me off... So I rolled my window down and threw my beer at her."

"I like my women like I like my fish. An irregular plural."

"HER: I love sweater weather ME: *holding up an umbrella to protect us from falling sweaters* It's that time of year again already?!"

"Pizza Hut: Hello Me: I'd like a hot dog bites pizzas PH: Pick up or delivery? Me: Based on that order, you think I get off the couch?"

"Fishy Technology What type of phones do fish use? . . . *Shellular*, of course..."

"(NSFW) My girlfriend dumped me because I couldn't give her the 12 inches she deserved.. I told that bitch ""I don't cut 2 inches off for anybody!"""

"Why you shouldnt vote for Hillary because Bill always chose someone other than Hillary, and you should too"

"My pregnant wife said her doctor told her no more sex until the baby is born I asked, ""What did your dentist say?"""