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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Baker have smelly hands? Because he kneaded a poo"

"Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see."

"You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it."

"I fucking hate double standards... If a girl sleeps with a load of different men, she's a slut. But when a guy does it he's a homosexual?"

"Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box"

"The American school system is a lot like an EA game... It's mostly broken and if you pay more money you can access things that make you have an advantage over everyone else."

"Thanks for nothing autocorrect, I'm never gonna get chicks being a ""homeless romantic""."

"What is the stretchiest substance known to man? Human flesh, because in the bible it says that Jesus tied his ass to a tree and walked 100 yards."

"When I woke up this morning I was like, ""I really can't stay"" but my bed was like, ""Baby, it's cold outside."""

"[in a bar] Him: Trouble is my middle name. Me: wow... That's a stupid middle name. You must hate your parents. Him: *breaks down crying"