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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see."

"Romantic subtweets are like watching a couple kissing in a restaurant. We're all very happy for you but it still makes us want to vomit."

"Pizza places should give away free pizza car air-freshners. Within 5seconds of sitting in your car, you WILL crave pizza."

"What did the black guy see when he went down the roller coaster? His upper lip."

"How do you keep someone from hearing the punchline of a joke?"

"Fuck! I forgot to bring my reusable bag to Whole Foods. People are throwing rocks. I'm bleeding. Send help."

"How many out of date redditers does it take to change a light bulb? OVER 9000"

"This is the worst carnival ever. I can't believe they blocked the street off for this. Sir, this is a crime scene."

"I brought my cannibal friend over to a party... He sucked the life right out of it."

"What do you call a musician who breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless"