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Joke of the Day

"I discovered that r/sexwithdogs exists other day and realised Reddit is going to the dogs"

"My new book I wrote on Poltergeists is flying off the shelves."

"How much does wood cost? About tree fiddy."

"Whenever you're feeling down and out, just remember that there's people walking around with Twilight tattoos."

"My car broke down outside Dominos last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift off the driver."

"I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty."

"Want to depress yourself? Realize that someday Tom Hanks will die. Want to cheer yourself up? Remember that right now, Tom Hanks is alive."

"[at the gym] Trainer: ""Why don't you tell me what your workout goals are."" Me: ""Goals? I'm just here so I don't eat for an hour."""

"My mom passed earlier today. It's sad of course, but I know one day she'll stop and say ""Hi."""

"did Darwin predict butterflies would then evolve into tattoos?"