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Joke of the Day

"The local news says we can tell there's been a power failure with their new app. Call me old fashioned but the lack of lights tips me off."

"Why didn't Abraham Lincoln go to jail? Because he was in-a-cent!"

"Why does Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand? So she can moan with the other."

"What is the best method of separating juice? by concentration."

"I quit drinking & people laughed at me. Now the iPhone 7 is here and I get to sell a clean & pure Liver. The joke is now on them."

"I saw a skinny guy getting brutally beat up by 5 huge guys! I'm not the hero type, but still decided to help out. It felt good being on the winning side for once."

"My GF spent $49 on a haircut. Had she gone to Petsmart she'd have gotten an ear cleaning, anal gland extraction and a free bandana as well."

"Andy was away from school for 2 days because he had a flu. On the third day when he went back to school his teacher told him how he felt. I feel with my hands Miss !"

"A dyslexic Sanders supporter was kicked out of the botanical gardens He kept trying to peel the ferns."

"it must be confusing working at a mint when a power outage happens. because when it happens, everything stops making cents."