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Joke of the Day

"Oh, you're about to earn your 3rd master's degree? I'm still working on spelling ""bananas"" without singing ""Hollaback Girl"" in my head."

"I saw a black guy carrying a TV down the street the other day so I had to run back home and check that mine was still there. It's OK though, mine was still there, just sitting there shining my shoes."

"I'm so terrible at Chess. The only way I'll ever get to say ""Checkmate"" is if I eat at a restaurant in Australia."

"It looks like trees are all flamboyantly coming out of the closet before they die for the winter"

"Cop pulls over bad driver Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes? Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car"

"Hey, want to hear a joke? ""Sure"" ""Sex"" ""... I don't get it."" ""Yeah, I know you don't."""

"What did little Paul Bunyan say when his mom asked him how he damaged his favorite toy? It was an ax-I-dent."

"Around 70% of the earth is made up of water, and the other 30% is filled with news articles about George Zimmerman"

"The HR takes the top 20 application folders from the pile and throw it in the trash. Those people have bad luck. We don't want people with bad luck."

"When someone says, ""I haven't seen you in forever,"" a fun response is, ""I know, we're really not that good of friends"""