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Joke of the Day

"""It's obviously not real, you dumb impressionable twats"" ...every time people get up in arms over fake articles"

"The only things that defy gravity are women... ...the heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up."

"Why, in the United States, do we not have the letter ""u"" in words like ""favourite"" and ""colour""? Because fuck u and no one likes u, that's why."

"Kill the crackers...kill them all Old Man Ritz"

"Q: What's small red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator."

"Two condoms walk past a gay bar... One condoms stops and turns to the other: ""Hey. Wanna go in there and get shit-faced?"""

"Q: How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents? A: He's the stiff one."

"Noah: A boat? God: Yes. Noah: Two of every animal? God: Yes. Noah: I have a better idea. God: What. Noah: Maybe don't kill everyone."

"THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. ""Wrong house guys."" ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? ""Yup, happens a lot."" OKAY COOL, SORRY."

"What does a mechanic do for a one night stand? ... He nuts and bolts."