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Joke of the Day
"What do you call an alcoholic eating grapes? Impatient."
Next Joke
"If attacked by a pack of clowns.... Go for the juggler."
"One day I'm going to cure blindness. You'll see! You'll all see!"
"What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug addict? The prostitute can wash her crack and then use it again!"
"Smiling releases endorphins in your body, which relieves stress. All I have to do now is explain that to my proctologist when he's done."
"For me, the hardest part of the driving test was escaping before the car filled with ocean water."
"Me: You a good personal trainer? Him: You bet your emotionally distant dad I am. Me: [through tears] Wow, that's personal. You're hired."
"My girlfriend told me that she's sick of me pretending I'm a cat Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a cat. I packed your bags. I want you to go."" Me: ""Wait, are you kicking MEEEOOWWT???"""
"My friend has a butler who had his left arm cut off... ...serves him right!"
"How do you make seven even? Take the s off."