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Joke of the Day

"Twitter's new ""local"" feature tells me that ""goodmorning"" and ""nowthatsghetto"" are trending here in Washington. Wow. This is a game-changer."

"Q: How do you fix a broken tuba? A: With a ""tuba glue."""

"How do you cook a stoned ham? 420F Glaze it Ok I'm leaving"

"I hesitate to make fun of ""Canadian bacon,"" because I know they'll eventually play the ""American cheese"" card."

"Where'd I drop my waffle? At the beach in San Diego."

"Tummy REALLY hurts. I guess that's what I get for being extra careful of diseases! (Coating all foods/drinks in Purell)"

"If you have 10 apples and Michael takes 6. What colour is Michael?"

"How do you confuse an irishman? Lean 3 shovels against the wall and tell him to take his pick."

"Why wasn't toto as excited as dorothy when they traveled the yellow brick road? he missed the rains down in africa"

"*Gets 500 word angry text from ex *responds, you mad bro?"