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Joke of the Day

"What did the Australian sea captain announce when he decided to wank with both arms? All hands on deck"

"I once met a girl with 12 nipples. Sounds funny, dozen tit?"

"Why can't Kylie Jenner see her mom? Because she's trans-parent"

"Why did the chicken not cross the road? to not get to the other side."

"No clean Tupperware today, so I brought my yogurt to work tied up in a condom. No longer allowed to use the employee fridge."

"A police officer in Alabama finds... ...a black man with his arms and legs chopped off. He reports ""the worst case of suicide he's ever seen."""

"1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money"

"Just to throw my other white friends off, I'll say shit like, ""Don't be sayin' that kinda shit in front of my black ass!"""

"When the dryer buzzer scares you so bad you have to do another load of laundry."

"Excuse me -are you a psychic hooker? **cuz you just blew my mind.** *full credit: gavin mcginnes via streetboners blog from about 5 years ago.*"