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Joke of the Day

"My local police chief does a talk on heroin... So you can't understand any of it."

"Two monkeys were sitting in a tub. The first one says ""Oooo Oooo Aaaa Aaaa Eeee Eeee!"" The second one says ""Perhaps we should add some cold water."""

"How did Harry Potter get to the bottom of the hill. Walking Jk Rowling."

"[accidentally makes eye contact with someone] Oh my God, I am so sorry. Are you OK?"

"I named my hard drive ""dat ass""... Once a month, my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'."

"Does Axe make a spray that smells like one of those soft pretzel stores at the mall? I'd use that daily."

"What do you call Ralph Nader's alter ego? His alter-nader"

"Dear media: There's nothing shocking about celebrities going topless, getting drunk, or falling over. nnLet me know when they read a book."

"The thing about being vague is, lots of stuff."

"I have trouble even monotasking."