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Joke of the Day

"I had to stop drinking. I kept getting that thing where you feel sick and your head hurts... Depression."

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"How do you impress a girl? By growing up."
"What does Joaquin Phoenix say when a car almost hits him? ''Hey! I'm Joaquin here!''"
"What do you call the useless skin around the vagina? The woman"
"Malaysia airlines are having a huge sale Flights to any destination in the world for $499 one way.... return flights not available"
"So I got myself a Cuban girlfriend... She is my Guantanamo bae."
"""You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Trump won the election? IS IT BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"" ""Mister President, we've been over this..."""
"Forget Netflix and Chill. It's time for IMAX and Climax!"
"The word politics is derived from two words The word poly meaning many and the word ticks meaning blood sucking parasite."
"How do you know when the king of Egypt is horny? ...From all the Pharaoh moans."