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Joke of the Day

"How do you impress a girl? By growing up."

"Don't ever leave a bag of mini Heath bars at your desk to prove you can't be tempted.... Because Satan's game is strong"

"Nuts. Two peanuts went for a walk in the park,one was a salted."

"Never get stuck behind the devil in a Post Office queue For the devil can take many forms"

"Kanye running for president."

"Winnie the Pooh: will u marry me? Piglet: for the last time, u don't get a literal ""honey"" moon Pooh: pls say yes I need to see for myself"

"Toddler in our bed last night; it was like sleeping with an octopus on meth."

"What did the father buffalo say to his son going off to college? Bison."

"The fact that axe handles are made of wood is the ultimate ""fuck you"" to trees."

"A bunch of bats are hanging on a tree branch... BAT A: Hey look at Harry he's hanging the other way up!! (like a bird) BAT B: He's been having these fainting spells all week."