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Joke of the Day

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb YOU DONT KNOW MAN! YOU WERENT THERE!! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE!!!"

"Being illiterate and having a girlfriend would be easy. They'd be like ""did you get my text?"" and you could just be like ""I can't read."""

"An invisible man marries an invisible woman... The kids weren't much to look at!"

"So I gave a Friar a joint.... He's a High Priest now..."

"I'm jealous of turtles because if they don't want to talk to someone, they're like ""Nah, dude, busy in my shell right now. Come back later."""

"T-Rex probably died from the spread of disease since he couldn't use the soap dispensers without smashing his face into the mirror."

"Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend."

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands."

"""911? Yes I need to report an incident"" ""What is it mam?"" ""THIS. GIRL. IS. ON. FIRE!"" ""Getting real tired of this crap, Alicia."""

"What's the most redundant sentence you can come up with? -department of redundancy department"