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Joke of the Day

"Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend."

"If I had a nickel for every time I got distracted... I'm in the mood for some ice cream."

"Dad cooks venison and doesn't tell the kids what it is He gives them one hint: ""It's what your mother calls me"" The boy yells: ""It's a FUCKING DICK! Don't eat it!"""

"How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? LET'S GO RIDE BIKES!"

"[requst] may someone help me with a joke include 'mi' word, I know you guys are awesome. Here is one pj example http://i.imgur.com/N0CXg6o.jpg It would almost same or better."

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

"Hey, remember me from last night? You gave me the wrong number but I found you on Facebook. I'm on your porch. Can I come in?"

"I used to be in a band called Missing Cat'. You probably saw our posters."

"Shoutout to rattlesnakes and condoms... Because I don't fuck with either of them."

"How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark"