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Joke of the Day

"how is my dick like a diamond? its the hardest substance on earth, it can't be crushed, and every girl dreams of having it."

"What do you call a Transformer who always sees the glass as half full? Optimist Prime"

"I feel sorry for all of the atheists named Christian."

"Where is the most open green space in New York City? Central Pork"

"""How's Mason doing?"" Ugh, he's going through this emu kid phase. ""Don't you mean emo kid?"" *boy covered in feathers runs past* I wish."

"A man was writing a book with over 1,000 pages. It's too long of a story to explain why."

"Dinner conversation: 10YO: What 6 things would you want on a deserted island? Me: 1) You-- 10YO: Seriously? Why would you drag me into that?"

"Girls have an unfair advantage over men: If they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb."

"There's safety in numbers. Unless there are 6,000,000 of you. And you're Jews."

"Yo mamma is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping from the basement window."