184191

Joke of the Day

"My wife and I recently bought a Great Dane, the smell around our house is absolutely disgusting. Every time he barks I shit myself."

"What do anal sex and spinach have in common If they were forced upon you as a child you wont like them as an adult"

"What does a news anchor say during sex? this just in"

"Whats the difference between a mosquito and a hooker? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking."

"[Jogs to a halt in front of you minutes after a fire truck passes]That guy's (panting) never gonna sell any fire (panting) driving that fast"

"I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe. I don't care how big a spider is, nobody steals my fucking shoe!"

"""Act your age!"" I yell at my 11 year-old daughter as I put on my Captain America t-shirt."

"How do you get down off an Elephant? You don't. You get down off a duck."

"the closest I've ever come to a threesome was when I was mowing the lawn and I got hit in the face by two dragonflies having sex in mid air"

"Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead"