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Joke of the Day

"Going to How to Train Your Dragon tomorrow... Or marriage guidance counselling as the wife calls it."

"What do bees who are allergic to honey get? Hives."

"You know why you can't play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards!"

"The first rule of Yacht Club is you need a membership and a boat."

"Welcome home, half-empty bottle of diet coke. Meet your family: Salad dressing, expired creamer & mysterious takeout container."

"My wife put on her panty hose backward... So I chewed her ass out."

"What's the funniest smelling thing on the earth? An anchovies cunt."

"A blonde walks into a bar holding a piece of shit and says ""look what I almost stepped in!"""

"My father was a nun. Whenever he was up in court and the judge asked ""occupation"", he'd say ""none"". (From Blackadder Goes Forth, is this still eligible for /r/jokes?)"

"Did you guys hear about that Egyptian con-artist? Turns out he was running a pyramid scheme all along."