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Joke of the Day

"Even scarier than seeing a shark fin in the water is seeing a lion mane, because you know the chase isn't over once you reach land."

"when I played the Sims if a sim got hungry/tired I'd just delete them and replace them with a copy who was content so maybe no kids for me"

"Tweets got stolen. * Everybody looks at the new black dude following *"

"The British are coming! Get ready! Oh wait they're coming by boat. We have like three months"

"My Favorite Politician Quote (not sure if this belongs here but what the hell) ""Madam, I may be drunk but you're ugly, and in the morning I'll be sober."" - Winston Churchill"

"My girlfriend started biting her lip to look sexy... How do I tell her it's supposed to be the bottom lip?"

"My garden shed door keeps opening and closing. Is it the wind? Yes. Am I going to tell my kids it's haunted so they stay out? Also yes."

"Why don't people win the lotto Because the NSA runs it"

"The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was tense."

"Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you're also white."