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Joke of the Day
"I wish conversations were like user agreements where I could skip to the end and just agree."
Next Joke
"IAmA dyslexic government computer programmer, AMA! Whoops, wrong usb."
"Alton towers changed its name! To leg - go land"
"Two hookers on a corner.... One says to the other, ""You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"". The second one thinks for a second and says ""No, but I once got swung around by the nipples"""
"Chameleon wife: ""Does my bum look big in this dress?"" Chameleon husband: ""What dress? Where are you?"""
"""Men, we need a durable lunch meat that can also be used as a hockey puck."" - makers of Spam."
"Her: You have a cigarette machine in your kitchen? Me: Well it would look ridiculous in the living room..."
"I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket ""Hey son, how far do you think I can kick this thing?"""
"Baby oil If olive oil is made from olives, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?"
"Detective: Where were you on the night- Me: Twitter Detective: Between the hour- Me: Twitter Detective: I wasn't fini- Me: Twitter"