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Joke of the Day

"My Jewish mate has been with his Tourette's suffering girlfriend for years now. I always wondered what kept them together. Then I saw the swear jar."

"""Hey Barack"" ""yes Joe?"" ""I bet T-Rex's took terrible selfies"" ""Ok Joe"" ""Because they had..."" ""Short arms Joe, yes. I get it. I get it buddy"""

"A comma is just a period with a mullet."

"Why did one european country eat the other? Because it was Hungary"

"Ever see a plane flying toward the moon & it looks like it's gonna hit it & then it does & the oceans boil & wolves take over?"

"Dad: Why are your eyes red, son? Son: I smoke weed, dad. Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot."

"While watching Hangover 2 the other day, I say to my friend, ""I wonder where they're going in the third one?"" ""Straight to DVD."""

"Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long for fat people."

"Why did Mozart kill his chicken? Because when he asked the chicken ""Who's the best composer"" the chicken said ""Bach, Bach, Bach"""

"I'm putting together a mail-order-bride catalog featuring poor desperate American women looking for a way out...I'm calling it Facebook."