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Joke of the Day

"This oatmeal tastes just like bacon because I threw it away and I'm eating bacon."

"If you have a crush on someone, walk right up to them, then a little past them and avoid them altogether it's probably not worth it."

"A baby is 75% water. So if I walked on babies I'd be 75% Jesus. #SolidLogic"

"Why should you never tell jokes about Hitler? Because your friends might Nazi (not see) the humor."

"Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion."

"I was on a ride at a funfair. One minute I was laughing my head off. Next I felt angry. Then I just became very sad. Turns out I was on an emotional roller coaster."

"On a scale from 1 to 10 I tell people they're an 11. It's a fun way to let them know they don't exist and they take it as a compliment."

"You wanna know the best food to eat when sad? Cheerios"

"Jaws (2015): ""(cell phone) Hi Coast Guard, yeah a shark is banging my boat oh you're on your way great thanks"""

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the local school? It's okay, he woke up."