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Joke of the Day

"What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again."

"What's the difference between an old bus station and a lobster with a boob job? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!"

"Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? Because he only **comes** once a year."

"elder master! someone took a crap in the village's water supply! ""well, shit!"""

"How many children's TV presenters does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb and another to show one they changed earlier."

"What do you call a Mustard Competition? A Compe*Dijon*"

"Why aren't lions cannibals? They can't swallow their pride."

"It would be funny if after making love to Jennifer Lawrence she stood up & fired 50 or 60 arrows into my sweaty body."

"Yelp Review: Babies Cute at first, but then screamy like angry pterodactyls. There is literally poop everywhere. Would not recommend."

"Q: Whats the difference between a 90s woman and a - computer? A: A 90s woman won't accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy."