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Joke of the Day
"6yo: I can't wait to be an adult! Me: Adults don't get snow days. 6yo *faints*"
Next Joke
"No matter how ugly, no matter how fat, you'd still sleep with her. Who is she? OP's mom"
"What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms? One's a Goodyear, and the other's a great year. x/post from r/funny"
"""Jesus honey, I don't know. How about a letter, a time of day, and something really Indian"" - M. Night Shyamalan's parents' naming process"
"Which gun does Superman use? SCAR-L"
"Death is like a chance to fuck in high school or college If you find out how it was close - you will be surprised."
"Goldilocks was killed last night The murderers did it with their own bear hands"
"Who needs a security system when you can just Google Earth your house and keep hitting refresh."
"It was so cold UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii"
"Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said ""fuck you"". So i'm pretty excited about 2017."