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Joke of the Day

"So I realized why the large iPhone is called the 6 plus If you sit on it, you'll realize is actually a 3+3."

"What would a world without women feel like? A pain in the arse."

"""What are you doing tonight?"" Gonna smoke some Herb. ""Nice."" -guys who work in a crematorium"

"May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard."

"Q: What happens if you cross a goldfish's brain with a dog? A: I don't know, but it's great at chasing submarines"

"Why did the police officer smell? Because he was on duty."

"Two drivers crash into each other. They both finish writing their texts before getting out of their cars to inspect the damage"

"Can't afford Sea World, so I took my kid to a fish market. Me: 'Shhh, they're asleep' 'Mom, they're breaded' Me: 'That's their blankie'"

"A hotel just offered me a job making beds. I think I'll turn them down."

"What do you call a Russian Lizard? Commie commie commie commie chameleon."