183323

Joke of the Day

"4 y/o: how does Santa go to everyone's house in one night me: warp speed 4 y/o: warp speed isn't real me: neither is Santa go to sleep"

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80? 'Aye matey"""

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they're smart, they'll keep going."

"Yes I brought my own shot glasses and started a party at my table, but is that really a reason to throw someone out? Worst library ever."

"Stare at the waitress's boobs when you tell her you want ""everything"" on your sandwich. Ya never know..."

"[NSFW] What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged"

"How does the devil measure his drugs? In pentagrams"

"""Behold, a 3 headed cat"" ""um, its just 3 cats taped together"" ""Behold, a 12 legg...*tape rips, one cat runs away*..errr 8 legged cat."""

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur with vertigo? Falloffalottapuss"

"Two fish are STILL in a tank one turns to the other and says ""NOPE!"""