196627

Joke of the Day

"""We're not buying another toy until Mommy gets laid!"" might not be the most appropriate thing to yell in ToysRUs."

"My hemorroids are acting up again. I'm butt hurt about it."

"ME: I hit my neighbors car. CAT: I killed my last 4 owners. ME: YOU CAN TALK! CAT: ... ME: Wait, what did you just say? CAT: *blinks*"

"Who's bigger? Mr. Bigger? Or Mr. Bigger's baby? The baby, because it is a little Bigger."

"Venus Williams has blamed her first round exit at Wimbledon to the balls not bouncing correctly. May I suggest for her to try some better fitting underwear?"

"Funny how when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls, he's a stud... But when a girl sleeps with a bunch of studs, she's doing horse porn."

"If you don't like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person's problem."

"Try to imagine pugs living in the wild, just roaming in the forest in packs."

"Having a wife is like a grenade You pull the ring off, and your house is gone."

"What did Van Gogh's mother say to him when he was sad? Wipe away those ears."