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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Scottish parrot ? A Macaw !"

"Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position!"

"My daughter is the perfect height for using an umbrella to simultaneously keep her dry and for me to lose an eye from one of its corners"

"I'am drinking with my new GF and her gay friend from work. So there's 100% chance I'am getting laid and a 50% chance I'll like it."

"It is always the wrong time of month."

"How many Nickelback fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? .... Trick question! There's no such thing as Nickelback fans. (I will be hated by few)"

"What did the chef say when Hannibal Lecter sent his breast meat back, complaining it was overcooked? ""TOUGH TITTIES!"""

"[Going through rubble after a house fire] Her [holding photo albums]: Totally ruined. Me [holding slices of bread]: Pretty much toast."

"How do you sink a French battleship? Put it in water."

"Why does Indiana Jones hate the letters ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWX and Y Because they're not Zs. Sorry."