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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry, this suitcase is overweight. You're gonna have to take some stuff out and put it in a different bag so the plane doesn't crash."

"What did the drunken Irishman say to the Chinese diplomat? http://www.reddit.com/r/Youwritethepunchline/comments/2zg1zy/what_did_the_drunken_irishman_say_to_the_chinese/"

"Just heard that someone has started digging Fidel Castro's grave.. Must be a communist plot."

"The average married couple has sex 68 times a year. I should be pretty busy the next couple weeks."

"Why don't Game of Thrones characters tweet with Twitter? They were ravin' with Raven."

"As a quiet and skinny person, I feel like we should charge loud and fat people more to ride the subway. It won't be difficult to implement either. All we would need to do is charge them by volume."

"Baby, I would run into a burning building from you."

"Drugs and alcohol are never the answer. Unless the question is ""What are you gonna do this weekend, Pauly?"""

"They say it's rude to ask a women's age... So what's your weight?"

"What do you call someone who can't do anything? HR"