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Joke of the Day

"""Are you on Facebook?"" ""No, but I'm on.. (don't say twitter, don't say twitter) ..Mescaline"" (Nailed it)"

"Hitting the treadmill to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress......."

"My boss dressed up as Caitlyn Jenner in a mini-skirt He showed a lot of balls..."

"Yo momma's so fat... LIGO detected her gravitational wave."

"*draws a sharpie mustache on my grandma* lol you cant hang loser. passin out w/ shoes on? rookie ""Sir please step away from the casket"""

"is there a subreddit for paranoid people ? if so, how do I know it's real ?"

"My wife CLAIMS to be my best friend but she didn't seemed all that psyched when I bragged about this girl at work I just made out with."

"(Neighbor, curious): What's wrong with little Timmy? (Mom, sad): He went to Jared."

"woke up just in time to push my cat off the bed before he threw up. today is going to be magical."

"What's a balloon's least favorite music? Pop."