183121

Joke of the Day

"[first date] Me: *sees he owns a cat* Him: Are you a cat or a dog person? Me: *maintains eye contact* *pushes cat off the table* *leaves*"

"Why is there no gambling in Africa? Too many Cheetahs!"

"I ran over a child who was on his way to band practice carrying his cymbals. I'll never forget that horrible sound as I rolled past his motionless corpse. Ba dum tiss"

"How many guys in the friend zone does it take to change in a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."

"What do you do to an elephant with 3 balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino."

"I wrote a short poem Roses are red and I am feeling blue because there is one less gorilla in the Cincinnati zoo"

"Political correctness... Is for faggots."

"What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it."

"My wife said she wanted to have sex in the backseat of the car and she wanted me to drive -The late Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004)"

"If Gandalf was a women, what color would her robes be? Red."