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Joke of the Day

"I bought my wife a pen for her birthday. I should have got a better one though, she keeps getting out."

"My friend told me this joke about a party host who made his guests line up for juice... I can't seem to remember the entire joke, but all I know is that there was a long punch line."

"How did the paramedics know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove box"

"Clown: Why are you wearing such a large shirt? Second Clown: I always perform in the big top."

"*Uses public restroom **Squats so long walks out with buns of steel"

"I'd just like to thank the sidewalk For keeping me off the streets"

"Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She thought babies should be pink so she took this one to the doctor because it was a horrible yeller."

"Don't you hate when you're at the mall and there's a kid that just won't shut up. You're like, ""SHHH!"" And he's all, ""STRANGER! DANGER!"

"What's a Grecian Urn? Nothing, they're bankrupt."

"Must be confusing for Sean Connery's grandchildren when he asks them to ""Come shit on my lap."""