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Joke of the Day

"You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them."

"I'm single with no kids. I don't answer to anyone. ""Meow."" Okay! I'm opening the can now! Please don't shred the toilet paper again!"

"[talking to son on the phone] ""I ran away 3 weeks. You never called the police"" I'm sorry. We've been very busy with the holidays and all."

"What should you do if you see your TV floating? Turn on the lights and shoot the black guy."

"I used to think the brain was the most important organ... Then I thought, look what's telling me that."

"Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies? Everywhere"

"Did you hear about the shooting at the school for blind, deaf mutes? It was truly a senseless tragedy."

"My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive."

"This clown fad is getting out of hand.... They are even running for president of the United States."

"[French restaurant] DANIEL: Promise me, not again MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon? [waiter comes] D: Don- M: [waves hand] Garcoff"