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Joke of the Day
"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and smell bad."
Next Joke
"I've been told I'm not ambitious enough... If only there was an Olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine."
"Ever been so completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid."
"I accidentally bought a bicycle that has no seat it's not a deal breaker but it's kind of a pain in the ass."
"Oh you can bench 50 kilograms? I literally don't know if that's 100 pounds or a billion."
"""Let's make sure there's 3 miles of handicap parking."" -Walmart"
"Chinese takeout, $15.00, gas to get there, $1.50.... ... Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes. ... ... Riceless."
"Why did the dolphin apologize? He didn't do it on porpoise."
"Two caw are standing in a field Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease? Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter."
"You can get a tiny tablecloth for a DOLLHOUSE from Pottery Barn for $18.99, or I could just come over and punch you in the face for free?"