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Joke of the Day

"""Dad, can I go to the renaissance festival?"" ME: No, you're still grounded ""No fair!"" ME: Yes, that's what I said"

"I have a closet full of voodoo dolls created in the likeness of people I have seen with 11 items in the '10 items or less' checkout line."

"Secret: Something which is told to one person at a time."

"What I need is to find a woman who loves me for my money ... but doesn't understand maths. - Mike Birbiglia"

"NASCAR is a visualization of how women argue. They keep going in circles. And I sit through both things with the same hope: If I wait long enough, maybe they will crash and burn."

"guy walks into a bar... bar eats 'im."

"My girlfriend's plastic fork broke while she was eating earlier.... ....Just a tine-y bit. (i was so proud of myself but no one else laughed as much as I did )"

"Have you heard about the old wheel that got a new image? He retired."

"which Baldwin went to school? The smart Alec."

"What do Fall Out Boy say after titty-fucking their girlfriends? THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES!"