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Joke of the Day

"Where does the vampire deposit his savings? In the blood bank. And why did he like to deposit his savings there? Because everyone there helped increase his savings."

"You know the best thing about penis jokes? On average they are not that long."

"I visited a small village where they had a cat for a king and a dog for a queen... ...they were reigning cats and dogs."

"Friend zone?! I've been sister zoned! And if one more dude pats me on the head, I'm telling mom!!"

"Thank God It's Monday"" ~ My Liver"

"My friend makes urinal cakes for a living... ...it takes him 35 minutes to bake each batch."

"I read an article about the dangers of drinking and it scared the crap out of me... ...so I decided to swear off reading."

"I was at the theatre seeing a tragedy and the man behind me started wailing. I got hit in the head with a harpoon."

"Sent out a mass text invite to my pity party & Autocorrect turned it into a pita party. Now I'm eating hummus with people I don't even like."

"Musing I've had: If a person has sex with sheep, do they need to wear a condomn?"