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Joke of the Day

"Sent out a mass text invite to my pity party & Autocorrect turned it into a pita party. Now I'm eating hummus with people I don't even like."

"I never could bring a woman into my house. At first, because of the parents. Later, because of the wife."

"What did the author tell his publisher when he handed him a 600 pages instead of the 200 the publisher had asked for? Sorry, I overwrote your order. :-)"

"Tony Stark's drag queen name. Fe Male."

"If you're bringing a kid to my house, it better be a baby goat."

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish using my voice to just sing in the car instead of saving the music industry."

"What do you call it when a Dinosaur can't perform in bed? A reptile dysfunction. Thank high me for that one."

"What do you call a blind, mentally handicapped, quadriplegic? You can call him whatever you want; it's not like he's going to get up and do anything about it."

"How come I didn't get upset when the Indian restaurant got my order wrong? It was a Naan issue"

"Have you heard about the music stores percussion sale? Their prices can't be beat Have you heard about their guitar sale? The prices are solo"