182507

Joke of the Day

"Couldn't figure out how to set up my stereo system, so I called my dad... He gave me some sound advice."

"HUSBAND: When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you control your anger? WIFE : I clean the toilet.... HUSBAND:How does that help ? WIFE : I use your toothbrush."

"[ first date ] Me. Do you take drugs? Him. I never touch them. Me. Perfect. Can I have a urine sample?"

"Donald Trump just announced Mike Pence to be his Running Mate. If Hillary wants to one up Trump in that regard, her running mate should be Mike Tuppence."

"Mostly men lie before the elections, sex and after fishing."

"I just saved thousands on child support by never getting laid."

"What is the volume of a pizza of thickness A and radius Z? PI Z Z A"

"Why did the Pilgrims create Thanksgiving? They wanted another excuse to watch football."

"Policeman: Now sir how did you come to have this accident? Motorist: Well the sign just there says `Stop ? Look ? Listen'. And while I was doing that the train hit me."

"What did the mathematician use to kill himself? An hypotenuse."