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Joke of the Day

"What did the Headless Horseman ask his colleague at Bad Guys Inc.? What do I have to do to get ahead around here?"

"My son just referred to a beaver as a ""wood-eater"". So I mulled it over in my mind for a bit and it would seem he's correct on two levels."

"I can't pet a cat without plotting world domination."

"Why doesn't Angelina Jolie like peaches? Because of the ""Pit"""

"My life is a constant battle of wanting to pet a dog and not wanting to talk to its owner."

"Poop Patties What did the fry cook do when he found out they were making the burger patties with feces? He flipped a shit."

"What is the first rule of Woman`s fight club? Never tell anyone what are you so mad about"

"My cat rolled on my weed tray and now half my weed is stuck in her fur......Do I smoke my cat?"

"If there isn't a Chinese millionaire that's changed their name to Cha Ching, then I don't see the point of money."

"Easy way to have a relationship: 1. Buy a ship 2. Name it 'Relation' 3. ??? 4. PROFIT"