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Joke of the Day

"Not to brag, but I know exactly what to do in a crisis. I'm really good at panicking. ^^^I ^^^panicked.. ^^^I ^^^meant ^^^to ^^^say ^^^Packing"

"What did King Kong say when he saw the Statue of Liberty? Are you my mother?"

"I said to my girlfriend, ""Do you want to experiment with a role-play rape fantasy?"" She said, ""**NO!**"" I said, ""*That's the spirit!*"" Jimmy Carr"

"When I was a kid 'friends with benefits' meant that kid had a nintendo."

"A Roman Walks into a Bar He holds up two fingers, and says ""'l'll Have 5 Beers Please"""

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet!"

"What do you call a pretentious criminal going down a flight of stairs? A condescending condescending"

"I'm certainly no authority, but if you want to avoid the muffin top you probably shouldn't put size 8 jeans on a size 12 girl."

"Q: What do you say when a dog runs away? A: Dog-gone!"

"Karma's only a bitch if you are."