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Joke of the Day

"If I ever have two sons, I'll name one Penn and the other Sword, then make them wrestle a lot just to see if it's true."

"Don't be sad laundry.. No one is doing me either"

"An Australian man living by the cliff has prevent over 150 suicides, during the 50 years he has lived there... ... by shooting them himself."

"*opens car door to drop kid off at school & sees kool aid instead* If you're here then.. [cut to kid bursting through a wall like 'oh yeah']"

"What do you call a person who drinks way too much soda? A Coke-o-nut."

"Whats your favorite pickup line? Mine is: I'll give you candy if you get in the van"

"What do John Belushi, Jim Morrison, John Candy, Jimi, Hendrix, and Janice Joplin have in common? They all died Jung."

"I've been feeling so shitty this valentines day.. This cold I have is terrible!"

"Why are there never any GOOD side effects? Just once I'd like to read a prescription bottle that says, ""May cause extreme sexiness."""

"""omg you're covered in blood! are you ok?"" [cut to me blending a tomato but I cant get the lid on properly] you should see the other guy"